Gratitude works its best magic for couples when it is free-flowing and reciprocal. For some of us, this means that we need to be as good as perceiving and receiving it, as we are at delivering it.
It seems obvious, but now research is offering it validity: if you want a longer lasting, more satisfying intimate relationship, start expressing your gratitude, and you had better start perceiving it too!
Researchers at the University of Georgia recently completed a study with 468 individuals in marriages ranging in length from 1 – 66 years to determine the degree to which “demand/withdrawal” behaviors and expressing gratitude exacerbated or moderated the experience of connections in couples going through high levels of stress (particularly financial). Not at all surprisingly, those couples who were able to stay connected to their gratitude for each other were far better able to stay connected with one another through challenging times.
The 2015 study concludes, “…positive relationship outcomes appear to be associated not only with being appreciative and possessing gratitude for one’s partner, but also as the current study highlights, feeling appreciated and perceiving gratitude from one’s partner.”
There is a wonderful conundrum and challenging take-away for us in the results of this important study; we may feel an abundance of appreciation for our partner, but unless it is expressed and felt in return, our stressful circumstances will not be ameliorated by gratitude. Gratitude works its best magic for couples when it is free-flowing and reciprocal. For some of us, this means that we need to be as good as perceiving and receiving it, as we are at delivering it. For some of us, we need to brush up on our delivery skills. Regardless, commit to “practicing” gratefulness every day in your most important relationships, and it will surely work small wonders. Try it and see…the research says it could make a bigger difference than we think.
Kristi Nelson is the Executive Director of A Network for Grateful Living. To read more about her visit this page.