There is a mothering quality in each of us, man or woman, no matter how old we are, or the circumstances of our lives.
After my sister died of cancer and I began to suffer with insomnia, I spent more time talking with my mother, either on the telephone or while visiting her in Palm Springs. “You’re going to be just fine. It will pass,” my mother told me time and time again. Just hearing her reassurance gave me comfort.
Mothering is a source of comfort, at any age, and in many forms. I feel it with my husband, when he brushes my thick brown hair, or makes blueberry pancakes for breakfast. I find it with a friend, as she listens to me over a long lunch of Caesar salads. A teacher’s praise is mothering. A doctor’s patience is mothering. A hairstylist washing my hair is mothering. A neighbor giving me lemons from her garden is mothering.
There is a mothering quality in each of us, man or woman, no matter how old we are, or the circumstances of our lives. Tapping into that impulse or feeling can give great comfort. We find it in a tone of voice, in a touch, in words, in silence. And we find it in ourselves, when we are alone, with our inner mother, always available to love us, support us, and nurture us.
When we are on the receiving end of a good dose of mothering, we feel seen, heard, and held.
When we are on the receiving end of a good dose of mothering, we feel seen, heard, and held. We are able to notice that comfort can be found in simple ways—through a moment of listening, a warm smile, a gentle touch, or in a word of encouragement. We are able to fill our hearts with gratitude for all that we are receiving, for the many gifts of mothering that bless us daily.
How are we being caring and comforting mothers to ourselves, so we can be loving mothers to others? We can take time to listen to ourselves; to give ourselves encouragement; to look in the mirror and smile at ourselves with loving kindness. We trust that giving to ourselves allows us to give more to others.
Cultivating the Comfort of Mothering
Comfort is a shelter, a warm blanket, a refuge. Fortunately, we do not need to do anything extraordinary to produce comfort, because it is something that already exists within each of us and all around us. Real comfort can be found in the context of daily living. It is a grace. We just need to open our arms and receive it. We just need to open our arms and give it.
Mothering is something we all need, no matter our age. Can we expand our notion of how and where we can experience mothering? Nurturing ourselves can be a generous form of mothering. Can you find comforting ways to give yourself the love and patience you need right now? You may want to offer yourself self-acceptance, or give yourself permission to slow down, or take time to be quiet and listen to what is deep within your heart.
Adapted from, Comfort & Joy: Simple Ways to Care for Ourselves and Others, by Colette Lafia
Colette Lafia is a San Francisco based writer, spiritual director, workshop leader, and part-time librarian. She is the author of Seeking Surrender: How My Friendship With a Trappist Monk Taught Me to Trust and Embrace Life (Ave Maria Press, Spring 2015); and Comfort & Joy: Simple Ways to Care for Ourselves and Others (Conari, 2008), named one of the best spiritual books of 2008 by Spirituality and Practice. To read her blog, or learn more about Colette, please visit her website at: www.colettelafia.com.